When I was three and my sister was five, our biological father gave us something. It was one of the few things he'd ever given us, and was by far the best. He gave us a six week old American Eskimo. We named her Chelsea.

It's been amost seventeen years since then. I'm still young, she's now old, even though we're about the same age. She's blind, deaf, and senile. She can barely stand, and sleeps all day.

We've been hoping that she'll die peacefully in her sleep. But, Chelsea has always been stubborn. We know she won't go without help. I don't want her to go but, she's miserable here. She lives in total darkness and silence.

Tomorrow (Saturday) my mom is taking her to the vet to see if it's time to put her down. The vet said it might not be, since she's still walking and eating.

I'm not getting my hopes up. I know when Mom takes her, she won't be bringing her back alive. It's something we knew was coming, we talked about it often; sort of a 'She's getting older...we won't have her much longer...' kind of thing. It's different this time. This time, it's really happening.

We've given her a bath, and are letting her sleep in the house tonight. It may seem selfish but, I don't want to go with her. I won't be able to handle being there.

I guess I was being stupid. The little girl in me believed the dog she grew up with was immortal. That they would be together forever. I knew it wasn't true but, I never wanted to face the truth that I wouldn't always have her.

Edit: She's gone. She was buried in the back yard. I watched from the window, I couldn't bring myself to go out there. We said goodbye to her this morning, knowing she wasn't coming back alive.

Vet said the nerves in her back legs were numb and that what we thought was catract was fluid building up in her eyes. She probably didn't know who we were half the time. They could've given her medicine but, it wouldn't have worked because of her age. They didn't have to put her down but, she would have been in pain.

This makes me a bit mad. She's been like this for a little over a year. We took her to the vet (a different vet) almost a year ago, and they didn't say anything. I can't help but wonder, has she been in pain this whole time?

Well, the important thing is, she's not in pain anymore.